Single and Sassy Series-Pt. 1

The Trials and Tribulations of a Woman Just Trying to Make a Real-Life Connection in a Cyber-Savvy World

A Few Changes in the Game

Ahhh, online dating. With apps like Tinder, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, Zoosk and so many more, it’s hard not to be on at least one these days. I, for one, am on two: Tinder and Zoosk. In today’s tech-dependent world, six out of 10 people are on some sort of online dating site or app. Alas, for right now, let’s talk about being successful on the ever-infamous Tinder.

What Makes Me Swipe Left

Men, I beg you, put effort into your profile picture on dating sites. ANY dating site. What you may think is a sexy picture of yourself is actually a mirror pic of you in a bathroom with a urinal right behind you. Because nothing turns me on more than seeing a potential mate trying his best in front of (a possibly very dirty) urinal in a public bathroom. Here’s what I’ve learned triggers my eye rolling reflex while looking at pictures on Tinder:

    • You’re wearing a wedding ring

    o You’d think I wouldn’t have to mention this but if you’re MARRIED, get your butt off a dating site, you slimeball. I’ve had girlfriends screenshot pictures of men wearing wedding rings and post them on social media in hopes that the wife finds out. I was told once, though, that I should give these men the benefit of the doubt and assume they’re divorced and just have no new pictures. WELL, TAKE SOME. You know that phone in your hands? It’s got a camera. Oh, you didn’t know? Glad I informed you! Now take a new selfie!

    • No picture at all or random pictures that have nothing to do with you

    o Are you deformed? No. Are you in the Witness Protection Program? I would hope not. Are you a secret agent who’s recruiting me for a mission? I could only hope! If you’re none of these, then post an actual picture of yourself! If you don’t feel confident about your looks, who cares? Most people feel insecure about something. It’s about finding that one person who not only accepts your flaws, but loves you for them.

    • A picture of your car or truck

    o Unless you’re a Transformer, I don’t care what your car or truck looks like. Especially if that’s the ONLY picture on your profile. Do you live in your vehicle? Should I call a shelter? Flash your headlights for yes, honk for no.

    • A picture of you that’s obviously decades old

    o My biggest fear is meeting up with a 24 year-old cutie with a full head of hair and great smile and finding out he’s a 48 year-old bald man with a hump and some missing teeth. This is obviously the worst-case scenario, but you get the idea. Make sure I recognize you if we meet up for drinks.

    • You’re surrounded by girls

    o I’ve seen one too many photos of guys in clubs or bars surrounded by a slew of women. Do you even know them? Why are you trying to get my attention with pictures of more women? I’m pretty sure I checked off “straight” on my questionnaire…

    • You’re holding a dead animal

    o I admit, I’m probably not the demographic for a man/picture like this: one who loves hunting and fishing. However, I find it hard to believe any woman would react to these photos with, “Oh, sweet baby Jesus, he’s so manly. Just look at him flopping that dead deer head around.”

These are just a few of the reasons why I (and many women like me) don’t swipe right. So, before you can even attempt to (hopefully) dazzle us with your wit and charm, we’ve already dismissed you. Take these tips and run with them. Let them be your guide on how NOT to act on Tinder or any dating site. A picture is worth a thousand words, remember? Speaking of words, don’t even get me started on those online dating messages…
In my next installment, we’ll talk about good conversation starters and how to go from messaging to meeting.